Big props to Laura and Lily, who've recently introduced me to this elite club that celebrates women who are just one of the guys. Laura's blog provides a Top Ten List to justify why she's a proud member of JUGS. So now I'm doing the same, even though my list is a little less serious (but still 100% true). I'm guessing that proving that you've got the mettel to join JUGS is like rushing a selective college sorority minus the abject humiliation.
1. I hate bras. I don't think it's natural to have my girls contained all day in some underwire contraption. As soon as I get in from work most days, the bra comes off immediately. As my husband Rich would say when he's in a randy mood, "That bra looks good...on the floor." I couldn't agree more.
2. I like football. I've always loved football since I was little. I remember my dad teaching me the basic rules of the game, and my uncle teaching me how to throw a perfect spiral in our backyard. There's just something great about football and fall weather. Watching the Sunday night came is the perfect end to every weekend. I'll be putting my football know-how to the test this year as I become the only female member of our office fantasy football team.
3. I have fun at strip clubs. If you're offended by strip clubs, proceed to #4. Still here? Good. What I like best about strip clubs is that everyone is always having fun, or at least gives a really good appearance of it. In my experience, A-list establishments aren't anywhere near as fun as the B-list bars for female patrons. The B-list dancers love it when a girl takes her man to the club...and they really love it when she buys him a lap dance (trust me, I know). But the music is good, the people-watching is fabulous, the bartenders make smashing drinks for the female patrons, and the stripper fashions are pretty amazing. All this, plus all that fabulous acrobatic pole work that defies gravity. Always a good time. Always.
4. I'm good at putting furniture together. For me, putting together furniture is just a big puzzle, albeit with sometimes confusing pictures. Build-it yourself furniture is all about reading comprehension and a desire to "get it right" that borders on alpha-male levels of stubbornness. I read every step in the manual before I even start putting anything together. And, like my dad taught me, I always start each DIY furniture project by confirming that all the components that are listed in the manual are really in the box. Because who wants to be halfway through building a Billy bookscase only to discover that shelf E4 is missing.
5. I can sleep anywhere. Car, bus, train, desk, sofa, tub, massage table, hair salon, yoga studio, airplane, carnival ride, floor. You name it, and I'll sleep on it. In college, I actually fell asleep on top of a speaker in a nightclub. Granted, I had mono at the time, but still, it was a working dancefloor speaker. I'm thankful that this happened at the end of the spring semester right before a long summer vacation. Otherwise, I probably would have been known as the "Sleeper Speaker" for my entire college career.
6. I went to the a Phillies World Series with pneumonia. After spending in the low four figures to obtain game tickets, there wasn't anything that was keeping me from the game (again, the alpha-male stubborness). That included almost five hours in the stadium, an hour-plus rain delay, the threat of extra innings, nighttime temperatures in the 40s, and a body temperature close to 104 after the Advil wore off midway through the 7th inning. I don't even remember anything after they won the game. I still have no recollection of walking to our car and driving home.
7. I take every opportunity to prove how strong I am. I abhor weakness in women, so I don't mind lifting boxes or moving furniture. The fact that I'm so short makes people think that I'm really wimpy, so I love it when I can actually say "I got it" and really mean it.
8. I love that my spouse does all the cooking. Rich is a good cook and really seems to enjoy it. I love to eat, but not to cook. If it was up to me, I'd eat cereal for three meals every day. It hardly takes any time or effort to make, you only need to dirty up a bowl and spoon, and those marshmallows are magically delicious.
9. I am good at tuning people out when I'm not interested in what they're saying...but they never know it. OK, well maybe my husband can tell when I'm tuned out...but that's probably only because I tune him out more than most.
10. Sometimes, I'll eat food without heating it up. This kinda goes along with #8 and is probably the result of genuine laziness. Cooking is the only thing that I really give myself permission to be lazy about. Carb-based foods like pizza, spaghetti, marcaroni and cheese, tater tots, and corn on the cob are just as good cold as they are warmed up.
Ha! Awesome list, and number one is a perfect start. Our living room is notoriously littered with shoes and bras that I've abandoned the second I walk in the door. Now when Ryan sees them, he points and goes "Boobies!" I probably should at least get a little better about picking up after myself (I suppose that could have been number 11 on my list). I also have no problem with the words "some assembly required." This was a problem just the other night though as we were trying to put Ryan's new trike together in time for him to ride it on trike day at school. Apparently Fisher Price forgot to drill enough holes for the screw that holds the handlebars on to the center post, so it wouldn't screw in all the way. We called customer service and they advised us to drill more holes ourselves. Now, I do love my drill, but I get nervous using it on expensive plastic toys that should only require a screwdriver for assembly.
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